You are separated. You and your ex-partner behaved in ways which neither of you – for different reasons – can ever forgive.
You find it hard to have any dialogue and cannot see things ever getting better.
You feel that your ex- partner continually acts in ways to undermine you, wind you up and doesn’t put your children first. You simply cannot communicate.
Please consider this ….How do you want your children to answer the following question at the age of 18 :-
How did your parents do?
a) It was a total nightmare. My childhood ended when mum and dad separated. When we were young we had to swap clothes at the front door. We couldn’t take our toys to the other house and mum always slammed the door on dad when he dropped us back. Dad hated mum’s new partner, who became our stepdad and called him names. When we got older it was really embarrassing having to have two parents’ evenings and school plays /concerts were a nightmare. Mum and dad sat at opposite ends of the room and I had to remember to look in two different places. Sports games were terrible. They would sat at the different ends of the pitch and scowl at each other.
I am relieved to be going off to university so I don’t have to live with either of them. I am dreading graduation already. I don’t think I will go.
b) It was difficult at first. Mum was upset and cried a lot and dad was angry. Over time things became better. Dad would drop us off and occasionally come in for a coffee. I loved it when that happened. It made me feel safe. Mum and dad came to parents’ evenings together and both cheered when I came did well in my sports fixtures. Both mum and dad got married again ( which was a bit weird but actually both celebrations were fun in very different ways) and whilst it was hard sometimes living in two homes, if I had forgotten something at one place mum or dad would drop it off for me.
A real positive is that I feel I can cope with change. When I started going away with school in year 5 , packing my bag for the week away was something I was used to. I didn’t cry for either parent like some of my friends did because I knew I would see them at the end of the week.
I know it was difficult for times for mum and dad however they put me first and I felt and I do feel loved by both of them.
If the answer is b) then however hard you might find things, consider mediation. It takes two people to get on. However you have children and your children need you to try.
As experienced family mediators we can work with you and your children through the process of Child Inclusive Mediation.
For more information contact us on 01423 637272 or firstname.lastname@example.org